Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
