i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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