My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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