She went from zero to smokin in five shots
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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