Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
