dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
