How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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