btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
