never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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