nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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