you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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