idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
