i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
