What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
