I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
