It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
