It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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