He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Watching her eat just hurts me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
