Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
