my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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