living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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