I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
