Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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