last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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