do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
