I hate all girls vehemently.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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