If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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