i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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