Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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