I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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