I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
