Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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