Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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