if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
