we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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