Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
