Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
