1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
