I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
