I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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