and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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