Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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