For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
