It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
