Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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