you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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