i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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