I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
