I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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