i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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