These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You may now shotgun with the bride
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
