i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
