i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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